My stomach dropped as I heard the conductor announce the stop. We were here. I knew we would eventually get here, but now that it was actually happening; I was scared out of my mind. My heart was racing so fast that it threatened to jump out of my chest. The butterflies that were previously just flying around in my stomach, were now frantically beating their wings, trying to find a way to escape.

In the background I could hear Miss Cindy saying things like, “Valerie, make sure you don’t have any creases in your dress,” or “Johnny, let me straighten your bow tie.” Eight year olds are much too young to be wearing bow ties, I thought. My next thought was, This is ridiculous! They should be impressing us, not the other way around!

I tuned Miss Cindy out, and all of a sudden my mind was only filled with trivial thoughts. The train seat had felt fine the whole ride here, but now it was very uncomfortable. Also, my new hot pink dress was too scratchy and the collar too tight. I guess Miss Cindy didn’t know that I hated pink. I finally pushed the foolish thoughts about the seat and dress out of my head, and the reality of my situation dawned upon me. My breaths became ragged, and I felt faint. I knew I needed to calm down, so I did that by breathing deeply and thinking happy thoughts.

One of the few things I remembered Momma saying to me was, “Sweet pea, I named you Valerie after the word valor. Valor means to have courage even when the going gets tough. You, honey, are full o’ valor, I knew that since the day you were born.” Well, right now I felt there wasn’t an ounce of valor in me. I felt like a wet, limp sponge, with my emotions just pouring out of me for anyone to see. I needed to change that because right now I had to live up to my name and be strong, if not for me, for little Johnny since I was his older sister.

I looked over at Johnny and my eyes widened at the sight. He was in a poor shape. His shoulders were hunched over, as if he was trying to curl up into a ball and disappear. He was blinking rapidly to keep himself from crying, but it was a lost cause since little tears had already escaped and ran down his face. When he saw me looking, he gasped, turned away and shoved his face into his chest, his cheeks already turning bright red. I gently coaxed him into facing me, and I gripped his hand real tight, wiped away his tears, and whispered to him, “Johnny, you don’t need to be ashamed if you’re scared. Honestly, I’m scared too, but I’m gonna take care of you. We’ll be alright. ” I wasn’t sure if I convinced him, but my voice carried much more conviction than I felt. We slowly rose to our feet, still holding hands and dragged ourselves out of the train.

I squinted as my eyes tried to adjust to the bright fluorescent lights of the station. The station was full to the brim with people bustling about trying to catch their trains. I couldn’t get my thoughts straight because everywhere, there was noise, whether it came from the overhead speakers, or babies crying, or people laughing. It was all way too loud, and the sounds jostled me to my core. Johnny and I were the exact opposite of everyone else at the station; we were completely silent as if we were on a death march. In some ways we were, I contemplated. There was only one thing I was sure of, and that was to not let go of Johnny’s sweaty hand, otherwise I’d lose him in the sea of strangers. Johnny completely complied, he clung to me as if I was his lifeline. We were like fish swimming against the tide, almost impossible to do. Somewhere, amidst everyone they were there. We turned a corner, and we saw them.

Johnny’s and mine new foster parents.